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Helpful Marriage Resources
My beautiful bride and I have been happily married for four and a half years now. We, like everyone else have individuals we respect and look up to. We also have couples whose marriages we wanted to emulate from the start. Those couples who through good and bad times kept God centered relationships, working together, supporting and loving each other. Just like a young athlete would ask for sage advice from a grizzled veteran, we chose to do the same thing in marriage.
Hilary and I asked those couples if they had any advice going into this new frontier. If they told us to read a book, we read it and if they told us to go to a conference we went to it. This didn’t stop with our vows, but has continued in our pursuit of happiness together. We know we still lack experience after four years, with our first child on the way and continue to seek advice. Though every book didn’t give us enormous help, each book gave us at least one insight into building a stronger marriage together. We have both humbled ourselves and admitted that we can always use more help in making our relationship as strong as it can be.
Here are the books the those couples recommended to us and some insights into each:
Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs This is our favorite. It’s based on the principles in Ephesians 5:33 of how a man must love his wife and she must respect her husband. Using scripture Eggerichs tells how to best meet each other’s root needs. It also mentions how not following Gods word you can fall into a crazy cycle trying to meet your spouse’s needs how you would like yours met. The examples in the book are hilariously spot on at times. I strongly recommend this to everyone, married or not in all stages of life.
The Power of a Praying Husband by Stormie Omartian 20 short easy to read chapters, each a different prayer for your spouse. This is not necessarily a continuous read, with each prayer being separate. This book puts you in the mind set thinking of your spouse, teaching you how many ways you can pray for them. I loved this, and would recommend it as a book that could be reread over time inviting God into your marriage and setting a tone of prayer for the person most important in your life. (There is also Power of a Praying Wife)
Saving your Marriage Before it Starts by Dr. Les Parrott, Dr. Leslie Parrott This is a good book for young couples getting ready to take the big plunge. Where other books cover a more singular category, this is a broad look at marriage for both sexes and has lots of supportive work books to help you get more out of the experience. As this was the stage I was in when reading it, I believe it’s a good quick read for anyone that has never read a marital book.
For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn This is a two part book with a counterpart for women taking data from a large study to explain how each sex functions. I liked how it gives statistics letting you know most women act a certain way, but there is still a percentage that don’t in each category. There is even a key in the front page with a fold up giving the cliffs notes of how women work. This book lead to fun conversations with Hilary of what her answer would be to questions in the study. It is a nice read for the entire male gender to help them interact with the women in their lives. The same goes for its female counterpart.
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman attempts to help those that want to meet others needs the way they like theirs met. That can lead to expectations not being met and disappointment. I like the idea behind this book and it is a good read, but I think other books do a better job with the same message. Where this book is successful, is in going beyond the basic principles in scripture and addressing the different languages we address our love in the modern world. This is a nice book for anyone that has bought their spouse a gift when they truly wanted your time instead and didn’t understand.
There are more books, but these were the first ones that we read. The most rewarding thing we have done regarding these books is to go through each one together. Every insight we learned allowed us to progress in our marriage and understand each other more. We just attended the marital class and got a lot more books to add to the list. Even during those chapters where I am already familiar with the topic, it never hurts to be reminded of what you already know when it comes to your soul mate. This is a practice, Hilary and I made up on our own, but am confident can help strengthen the relationships of anyone willing to try it.
Justin Peele
Other books we were recommended:
The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick
The Most Important Year in a Man’s/Woman’s Life by Robert Wolgemuth and Mark Devries
From Recent Marital Class at Journey
Politically Incorrect Wife by Nancy Cobb and Connie Grigsby
Intended for Pleasure by Ed and Gaye Wheat
Scared Marriage by Gary Thomas
The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
Sheet Music by Kevin Leman
Sunday Rewind – The Game Of Life: Marriage
How to Define Success in Marriage
The success of every endeavor can only be measured when the objectives and purpose have been clearly defined.
For example, I coach my son’s 9-10 year old Parks and Recreation basketball team. Our goals are clearly defined: 1) have fun; 2) learn some new skills. And that’s how we’ll measure success. On the other hand, contrast those objectives with the Miami Heat, the NBA Basketball team featuring 3 of the game’s best players, their goals and objectives look far different than ours. Quite frankly, it doesn’t matter how much fun they have this season, if they don’t win an NBA Championship, it will be seen as a disappointment and failure. Likewise, the success of every endeavor can only be measured when the objectives and purpose have been clearly defined.
To that end, as we discuss God’s blueprint for finding success in the game of life, how are we going to define success in our marriages? What are the correct God-given objectives and purposes that we should be seeking?
To find that answer, we look to Ephesians 5:22-33 where Paul gives us his lengthiest discourse on one of life’s most important topics: marriage. As we read these 12 verses, a common theme begins to emerge. Paul often compares our marriage relationship to Christ’s relationship with the church. Just look at some of these phrases he uses throughout these 12 verses:
• Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord
• For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church
• Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands
• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
• In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies
• but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church
• This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church
The parallels cannot be overlooked. The marriage relationship directly mirrors the relationship Christ has with the church. Or to say it a different way, the purpose of our marriage is gospel re-enactment. The Gospel of Christ is the basis, foundation, motivation, and example for our marriages. Through them, we play out the Gospel for a dying world and better understand its complexity in our lives.
What then, is this gospel that we re-enact? At its most basic level, we were stuck in our human condition. To remedy our entrapment, Christ gave Himself – completely and sacrificially – for our benefit. As a result, we are actively being transformed into the very image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29) into a future better self with a future better destination.
The marriage relationship models this same gospel. Into the life of another, we completely and sacrificially give ourselves. Not for the purpose of finding happiness and fulfillment for our own lives, but for the purpose of cooperating with God for the godly, life-giving transformation of our spouse. We seek to accomplish this good into the life of another because that’s exactly what Jesus did for us! And that’s how we define success in our marriages… how much did I give and love and serve my spouse so they could be further formed into the image of Christ.
With this mentality, everything changes. This view of marriage changes the way we view commitment, roles, communication, conflict resolution, sex, forgiveness, repentance, and service. It changes everything! Does it solve all our problems? No. But it does provide the proper framework by which to understand them, address them, and find success because of them.
Sunday Rewind – The Game Of Life: Work
This last weekend at Journey we started a new series called The Game Of Life. While we play the game as a family I can’t ever seem to win. It is frustrating for me and makes me not even want to play. My kids, however, don’t mind me always loosing! From time to time you, like me, may find yourself frustrated with the real game of life. Maybe when we spin the wheel it feels like things never go our way. Maybe you have a car full of pink and blue pegs and a salary card to be proud of, but you are not sure you are winning. Or maybe, you see how others seem to cruise through to victory with ease and you are jealous of their success. Whatever the case may be, thankfully God tells us how we can be successful at the real game of life.
Now, please don’t hear that God wants to make you rich, famous, and good looking. The Scripture does not promise that type of success. After all, Jesus walked the earth and had no home in Hollywood and he didn’t drive a fancy car… or um.. fancy camel.. you get what I mean. However, the Scripture does help us to see how we can win in God’s eyes and live this life to the full. For the next few weeks we will be looking at the most common relationships in our lives and see what God has to say about being successful in them. On Sunday we looked at our relationship to our work.
No matter if we work for money at a business or work at home for our family, Paul give us some great advice to follow. In Colossians 3:17 he instructs us to do everything, including our work, in the name of the Lord Jesus thanking God for the opportunity. When we staple our TPS reports together we can do it for the glory of God. When we negotiate the big deal we can do it in a way that represents Christ. When we do the laundry at home or give our kids a bath we can do that kind of work too in the name of the Lord Jesus.
If you missed Sunday you can catch a copy of the message online. Also, if you know somebody who would benefit from these real practical messages share a link with them and invite them to join us. See you soon!
Joe Darago
Top 10 List – Number 8
Number 8 – People Are Loved By God
I did not grow up going to church. My mom tells me that when I was a little guy my neighbor, who was a pastor, invited us to go to church and we went a few times. However, I don’t remember much of that and I am pretty sure they were glad to see me go. Let’s just say I was not the calmest child in the universe as a youngster! The only other time I remember going to church was the time I went to Catholic Mass on a Saturday night with a red head that had to go there before we could go on a date. Neither of us really wanted to be there, but both were willing to go if it meant we could go to the movies together.
Then when I started my last year of high school some friends invited me to a small bible study. After some convincing I finally went and for the first time heard about God’s love for me. Over the next few months my life radically changed as I began to soak up the spiritual truths contained in the Scripture and connect with God on a personal level. It was a crazy and exciting ride! Now here, many years later, I still have a burning passion for God and can’t believe how gracious God has been to me.
Partly because I did not grow up with spiritual things there is a huge soft spot in my heart for those who, like I use to be, are far from God. Very few things in life bring me greater joy than when God uses me to help a person who is not connected to him find their way to him! My ears perk up when I read passages where God reveals himself and my favorite Scriptures tend to be the ones where the least likely people fall in love with God.
One of the Scriptures that always pulls at my heart is found in Luke 15. Here Jesus tells 3 stories all to communicate the same truth – people matter to God, especially those who are far from him. In one of the stories the owner of a few coins loses one of great value. She searches and searches for it until she finds it. Overjoyed when she finds it she throws a party with her friends to celebrate the lost coin being found. In another story, Jesus tells of a shepherd who was in charge of 100 sheep. One of those sheep wanders away and the concerned shepherd goes on a hunt to find the lost little guy. Once he is found he carries the sheep back to the fold and rejoices. Finally, in a story we can relate to, Jesus speaks of a son who rebels and spends his dad’s money on loose living. One day, after all the cash is gone, he return home and before he can beg for mercy, it is extended to the wandering child.
Of course each of these stories is not about a mythical coin, sheep or character in a story, but about us. We are the treasured lost item that God has combed the earth for and is patiently waiting for to return. So is your neighbor, your family members, the guy at work, and the friend on Facebook. They are so valuable to God and the Scripture tells us that he longs to have them return to him. When they do, not only do they get a new life, but God rejoices at their return.
At Journey we love to make God smile! We love him and because we do we want him to party in heaven. Therefore we hope you will join us on the greatest mission ever – to be open to sharing God’s message of hope with those who don’t yet know it. My greatest hope for everyone who attends Journey is for us to grasp how much people are loved by God!
Top 10 List – Number 9
Number 10 – God’s Word Is Powerful
Number 9 – God’s Spirit Is Present
I had a friend who use to say all the time, “The Christian life is easy, but the Christian life is impossible.” So true. When you think about it the Christian life is straight forward and not really complicated. Love God and people. Not hard to understand, but yet so hard to do! Thankfully, God has not left us alone to muscle our way to spiritual victory! God has sent us his Spirit to live inside of us to empower us to live the life that he has called us to live.
Growing up through school there were two types of teachers. Those that told you to get your work done and those who gave you the needed info and skills to get your work done. I always gravitated towards those who could clearly explain the task assigned and then were available to answer questions alone the way. In a similar way, God has sent us his Spirit to live inside of us to explain to us how to live this life and also give us the empowerment to live it out!
Check out these verses in John 14:
15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.”
Amazing! Jesus himself is living inside of you to empower you, guide you, help you understand spiritual truth, and live in victory. However, if you are like me there are times when you are not living like Jesus is inside of you and you don’t really feel like he is there.
Thankfully Paul helps us with this one in Ephesians 5:18. “Do not get drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit.” Fill can mean a few different things in our language. One use carries the idea of moving something from empty to full. We fill up our car with gas or my favorite, we fill up our stomach with food. However, there is another use that Paul draws from. Notice he compares or contrasts being full of the Spirit with being full of wine. We all know what it looks like for somebody to be filled with wine! They are not literally full, but rather under the influence or control of wine. So too Paul urges us who have the Spirit to submit ourselves to his control and be under the influence of the Spirit!
Practically I have found it to be helpful for me to spend time alone with God simply reminding myself and God of my desire to be under the Spirit’s influence. To carry Paul’s metaphor, it is in these times through prayer and reflection that I drink in the Spirit. Many times I literally open my palms up towards heaven, bow onto my knees, and try to humble myself to God and ask him to fill me. This not only reminds me that the Spirit is with me, but helps calm my spirit to be able to sense him in my life.
The Christian life is easy, but it is impossible without the power of the Holy Spirit!
White Flag
We will be singing this song at Journey this Sunday. Here is the back story of the song.
The Power Of A Whisper
Sunday at Journey we asked, “What if God wanted to talk to me? How would he do it and how would I hear?” The book I recently read, The Power of a Whisper by Bill Hybel, explores the many ways God talks to us on a daily basis. God speaks through quiet times, a friend’s advice, the reading of scripture, or even just an impulse. This begs the question of whether we are really listening, rather than if He wants to talk to us. I learned a lot while reading this book and would recommend it to anyone looking for a stronger connection with God.
As I began reading, I’ll admit that I was skeptical of how a preacher at one of the highest-attended churches in the country would be able to connect with me. Obviously, this man has a unique line to God that has helped him build such a global movement. After the first few pages, my skepticism faded. This autobiographical journey through Hybel’s faith focuses on how to navigate life through whispers from God. Hybel starts with his childhood and finishes with examples from within months of when the book was published. As the chapters progress, he challenges readers to hear the Word, surrender to God’s voice, and obey God’s instructions for our lives.
The book has a great message, but there are portions that were tough for me to get through. I found myself unable to relate at times because Hybel writes with the intention of reaching everybody. To be relevant for all readers, he tackles many issues from several perspectives. During the parts that spoke to me, I couldn’t put it down. However, I did find myself disagreeing with some of his ideas. For example, regarding how to know when you’re hearing from God, Hybel instructs readers to ask, “Is it wise?” as a filter for whispers you think you are hearing. This concept is good in theory, but it often doesn’t work when applied to many biblical heroes. Although this occurred several times for me throughout the book, I was satisfied at the end of each chapter, and overall I support his message.
I like the idea of having a 5-step filter to decide if God wants me to talk to a stranger or to determine if my career change is truly the path God intends. Each filter has biblical merits that when combined provide a simple process for verifying the authenticity of a whisper. There is also a great section on when you aren’t hearing God. I found myself convicted while reading about God’s written Word. Hybel not only describes how knowing scripture helps you receive whispers through His Word, he also gives examples for each topic. Whether the focus is salvation, fear, anger, or even your life message, there are verses to get you started on opening up your heart to God’s desires for your life.
This book touches on a wide variety of subjects, such as the dark phases of our lives, when things aren’t going our way, parenting, and hearing God’s whispers through those around us. Hybel even talks about ideas that change the world. I was a little worried during the chapter on Whispers that Change the World that he had stepped up on a soapbox to send a message, but by the end of the chapter I understood what he was trying to say. I truly feel that this book has the ability to touch people differently depending on their specific needs and their spiritual journey.
My favorite thing about “The Power of a Whisper” is how much it is grounded in scripture. The topics are each backed by multiple Bible verses, making it impossible to walk away thinking these are just one man’s ideas. This concrete evidence leaves you excited to hear God’s voice within your own life and to discover what path He has intended for you. I highly recommend The Power of a Whisper to everyone asking, “How would God talk to me?”
Justin Peele
Journey Church Member
Top 10 List – Number 10
My favorite part of David Letterman’s show is his Top 10 List. Inspired by him and Pastor Perry Noble, I will be writing my own top 10 list over the next few weeks. The idea is to share the top 10 things I wish every person at Journey knew about God, self, and others.
Number 10 – God’s Word (The Bible) Is Powerful
Early on in my spiritual journey I was fortunate enough to have a mentor that shared the importance of God’s Word with me. I actually can’t remember him ever sitting me down and telling me about it’s importance, but he showed me by how he treated it. The first time he shook my hand and gave me a red paperback copy of the Bible in NIV. He pointed me to read the book of John and that started my interaction with the power of God’s Word! While I didn’t understand everything I read, but when something stood out to me I would highlight it or underline it. Over the next few months it is safe to say I devoured the New Testament and parts of the Old. Slowly spiritual things, which were totally foreign to me, started to become clear. God was revealing himself to me as I read and as my time in the Bible grew so did my questions. Often I would ask my friend what he thought the Bible meant hear or there and he would graciously give me his perspective.
Over the years many of my questions have been answered and new ones have come up, but there is so much more to the Bible than just mastering its content. My professors use to say, “Our goal is not to master the Bible, but to let the Bible master us.” What makes the Bible so powerful is not just what it has written in it, but what is in it was written for me. Turning the other cheek is a great saying and it is a personal challenge. Jesus died to change the world and to change my world. God spoke to Moses and he speaks to me when I listen in through the pages of Exodus.
I pray everyone at Journey would grasp just how powerful the Word of God is and how powerful it can be in their lives.
Tips: If you are just getting started start in John or Luke. Also, YouVersion can be a helpful tool for you as you seek to engage with God’s Word.
Holy Week – Part 2
Four days remain in Holy Week which culminates with the celebration of the risen Christ on Easter Morning. Let’s look at each of those days considering a focus for the day, a Scripture to meditate on, and a practical expression to help us draw closer to God.
MAUNDY THURSDAY – John 13:1-38
Reflection Theme: Love One Another
Maundy Thursday derives its name from the Latin mandatum, the first word of the phrase “Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos” which comes from our reflection text. In John 13:34 Jesus tells his disciples, ”A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you.” Love is at the center of the Christian message. Without it we are just annoying noise and rainless clouds, but with it we are sons and daughters of God! Christ shows his love for us in many ways, but here in this passage just hours before the cross, he shows his disciples love by serving them. We too can show God’s love to others by serving them in a loving way.
Practical Expression: Ask God to give you an opportunity today to love somebody else in a practical way by serving them. Keep your eyes open and you might be surprised at just how many opportunities to love others through serving there are.
GOOD FRIDAY – John 18 & 19
Reflection Theme: Mourning
As you read the reflection text you will find reason to mourn. Christ is mistreated, abused, misunderstood, and ultimately killed by ruthless men. We can certainly try to put ourselves in the disciples shoes and imagine being there on that first Good Friday. However, because we have the benefit of hindsight, we have an additional reason to mourn today. We realize that it was not those men who hung Christ on the cross, but it was us! It was our sin that he was paying for on Calvary and our freedom he was purchasing!
Practical Expression: In our culture we express our mourning in many ways, but a few come to mind that might be helpful for us today – the lighting of a candle, wearing black, or spending time in reflection. Pick one of these, or a similar symbol of mourning, to help you express your sorrow over the death of Christ. Another great expression can be to lead your family or a group of friends in communion. Paul tells us that when we do this we “proclaim the Lord’s death” which would also be fitting for Good Friday.
HOLY SATURDAY – Luke 23:54-56
Reflection Theme: Waiting
We do not know much about what the disciple did on Saturday between the cross and the resurrection, but looking back we now understand there are times where God wants us to wait. We know that God was not inactive during this time nor was this waiting period out of his will! However, for those on the ground these were painful hours filled with all sorts of emotions. When we wait upon God to deliver us the days can seem long, but we can take courage that our deliverance is coming!
Practical Expression: In our fast paced world slowing down or waiting is uncomfortable. We love to go to places that have no lines no waiting! Take some time today to get alone and express to God your desire to wait on him. Tell him that you trust his timing or let him know you are struggling with it. May you find peace in your patience! Remember Sunday is just around the corner!
EASTER SUNDAY – Luke 24
Reflection Theme: Rejoice!
The horrors of the last week are finally over for the disciples as they see with their own eyes and touch with their own hands the risen Christ! Sadness turns to joy, mourning to dancing, and weeping to happiness! One emotion still pressed in on them even though it was in a different form – confusion. Imagine how hard it was for them to get their heads and hearts around what just happened. We have the benefit of history to aid us in our understand, but they did not. This was a first! However, it did not damper their spirits one bit. They were so grateful to be back in touch with Jesus and so amazed at his glorious return!
Practical Expression: Celebrate today! Not only has Christ come back to life, but you have come back to life because of his great triumph out of the grave! Sing at the top of your lungs at church, worship with joy as you get alone with God, and call your friends and family together to celebrate the risen Lord!
Holy Week – Part 1
Holy Week is the last week of Lent starting with Palm Sunday (the Sunday before Easter) and ending with Easter. It has been observed and celebrated by Christians for thousands of years in order to draw closer to Christ and reflect on his great sacrifice for sin and his resurrection from the grave. Like all religious activities, Holy Week can become a box to check off for the legalist. However, the observance of Holy Week can be both meaningful and spiritual for those who come with a good heart.
Over the next few posts we will look at a focus for each day, suggest some Scriptures for reflection, and explore some practical tips to engage in the heart of each day of Holy Week. These are not hard and fast rules and you, the worshipper, should feel the liberty to modify them in any and every way.
PALM SUNDAY - Matthew 21:1-11 – Reflection Theme: Anticipation
Palm Sunday derives its name from the events surrounding the Triumphal Entry of Jesus into Jerusalem on his way to the cross. The crowds were so excited to see him, believing he was getting ready to establish Rome-free kingdom, that they took palm branches from surrounding fields and began to wave them in excitement as he passed by on the road. They had been anticipating the coming of the Messiah for generations.
Jesus was indeed coming to establish his kingdom, but not the way they had expected. He was coming to free us from our sin! As Christ followers we too rejoice in the arrival of the new king, not anticipating a Rome-free rule, but anticipating the celebration of his death and resurrection at the end of Holy Week.
Practical Expression: Make a cross out of a palm frawn signifying the events ahead for Jesus in the first Holy Week. This is not only something great to do with your kids to get the message across, but as you see it during the week it will remind you of what he has done for us.
HOLY MONDAY – Mark 11:12-19
Reflection Theme: Cleansing Our Hearts
On Holy Monday we remember Christ’s entry into the Temple right before Passover when he overturned the money changers tables and proclaimed his Father’s house should be used for prayer not profit. Many would make a long journey from their homes to come to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. It was much too far to bring with them the necessary animals to make the sacrifice. Where there was a need, some saw an opportunity to make money! Most scholars believe that these money changers and sacrifice sellers were taking advantage of the worshippers overcharging for their goods. As demand went up so did prices. This turned the observance of God’s deliverance into big business and Jesus had enough.
In our lives materialism can get in the way of our relationship with God. This materialism can crowd out prayer and worship turning our hearts far from God.
Practical Expression: Cleanse your life of material things that have clouded your relationship with God. Turn the tables over in your life by giving something away, selling something, or simply throwing it in the trash.
HOLY TUESDAY – Matthew 23:1-39
Reflection Theme: Freeing Ourselves From Self Righteousness
On Holy Tuesday we remember that Jesus harshest words were to the religious leaders of his days who were self righteous. Our pride and confidence in our effort can lead to a legalistic religion instead of a personal relationship with God through Christ. Through humility and honesty with ourselves, we can guard against this tendency that is ever present and be careful to rid ourselves of any hint of self righteousness.
Practical Expression: Self righteousness loves to be seen. Do something today for somebody who will never know it was you. The only one who will ever know that you did it will be you and God!
SPY WEDNESDAY – Matthew 26:1-16
Reflection Theme: Examining Our Hearts
On Spy Wednesday we remember the day when Judas agreed to betray Christ to the religious leaders. Judas was the treasurer of the disciples and use to steal money from the ministry for his own good. When Jesus rebukes Judas for his chastisement of the woman who poured perfume on Jesus head, Judas decides to hand Christ over to the authorities.
In reflection we can all think of times when we have betrayed Christ in some way. Thankfully he is gracious and patient with us always willing to cleanse us from our sin.
Practical Expression: Get alone with God today and ask him to reveal to you times when you have betrayed Christ. As God reveals them write them down on a piece of paper. Confess them to God as they come up and then throw the paper in the trash signifying the forgiveness extended to you in Christ!
Check back soon for Part 2 of Holy Week…
